Winner!

Choose Life

Alexandra gazed at all the crying faces around her. Lord William’s wife, Elsie, had passed away two nights ago. Peoples of all social standings gathered around the minister in silent reverence to this wondrous young woman. Elsie was truly remarkable. She had organized care for the sick, orphanages, and gave food to those who were in need. It will be hard for any one to fill her shoes, now, thought Alexandra. The gentle push from her Uncle Jamous told her that it was time to leave. The ride home was a silent one.

Lord William sat on his favorite bench staring out the study window. He had fled to his study the minute the funeral had ended. He had not wanted to listen to the well-meant condolences of those who had no idea of the pain he felt. The floor to ceiling windows gave view to the ornate gardens, but William’s thoughts were on his deceased love, Elsie. She had been the one for him since the day they met seven years ago. He slowly let the memories play through his mind from the day he looked across the dance floor noticing how beautiful she looked to the day they had become one. What a glorious day the wedding had been. Her smile had radiated so brightly. Oh, how he missed her. William buried his head into his hands and wept bitterly.

Months had past since the death of Elsie Harrow. Things had begun to fall back into a semi-normal routine. Alexandra breathed in the warm spring air as she carried in the pail of milk. Her aunt bustled around the cottage humming a cheery tune. Alexandra allowed her gaze to wander towards the fields were rows of dirt had just started to come alive. Tiny green shoots decorated the once colorless fields. She continued into the cottage and set the pail of warm, frothy milk on the brown, trestle table.
Alexandra had came to live with her aunt and uncle when her parents had died in a terrible house-fire. Uncle Jamous was a farmer and made money by selling his produce in the market. Aunt Rachelle helped in the bakery, but mostly spent her days attending to the needs of the poor.
“Hello? Aunt Rachelle…, how is Mrs. Wesler doing?
“Oh, hello dear. I did not hear you enter. Mrs. Wesler is doing much better, but we must still keep her in our prayers. How was your day?” Alexandra began to tell her aunt about the things she had done. Jamous, who was walking in front of one of the open shutters, smiled at their lively chatter. Oh, how he loved his girls. He had no idea what he would do without them. That thought brought to mind Lord William. What a loss he had suffered. Jamous offered up a quick prayer for the young man to heal quickly and to find peace in the Lord. Rumor had it that the man was not doing well at all. It had almost been a year since Elsie’s passing. Jamous put the distressing thoughts behind him, and entered into the cheering atmosphere his wife and niece had created.

Lord William seemed to have settled back to normal, but all who knew him well, knew he was dying on the inside. He went about his days doing nothing but mourning. He attempted to pray, but God seemed to have left with Elsie. He had always gone to church regularly, but it had been a long while since he had even looked the direction of the church. After breaking his fast one morning, William retreated to his study as usual. The servants knew well enough how to care for the manor without him, he had decided months ago.
He had been in the study for a while, glancing at news from other Manors, but could not get his mind to focus. William had even ignored his most trusted advisor, Damien. He put his head on the desk out of sheer exhaustion. He had not slept fitfully for a long while.
Damien rode up to the front of the Harrow Manor. The place was still in as good condition as the last time he had come. The stable hand, Joseph, appeared promptly and took care of the horse, allowing Damien to quickly find his friend.
On entering the mansion, Damien inquired about the condition of Lord William. The maid replied, “Some days are better than others, but I guess that can be expected.” When asked were he was, she told him the study.
Damien quietly opened the enormous oak doors to the study. When he saw his friend sleeping peacefully on his desk, he decided against disturbing the man. Damien, knowing that something must be done quickly, left without delay.
The gardens offered a great place for solitude. Damien went there to think up a solution to the problem. William needed wife. That much was obvious. But how to find one, much less have him agree to the proposition would be a miracle. Damien was not much of a praying man, but he decided that all help he could get in persuading his friend to remarry or a least consider it would be beneficial. Renewed after much thought, Damien decided to pay his friend a visit tomorrow. He mounted his horse and rode home with anticipation for the next day.

Alexandra awoke the next morning from a refreshing sleep. The sun was beginning to peek through the cracks in the shutters. She could hear her aunt bustling around in the kitchen. That meant her uncle was long gone. He needed to bring in the harvest before the winter weather began, which meant he would have to be up extra early. Alexandra wanted more time in bed, but knew that she had already pushed the limits. She moaned as she rolled out bed. Alexandra dressed and began the long day of work. It was not necessarily unpleasant work, but it was work all the same.

Damien arrived at the Harrow Manor in the early morning just as he had promised himself he would. He was giddy with anticipation. He hurried into the Manor. Damien requested to see Lord Harrow immediately. The servant ran off quickly to inform Lord William of his visitor.
While the servant was away, Damien passed anxiously. He just now considered that his plan might not succeed, but it was too late to back down now.
“Lord Damien, Lord Harrow will see now in his study.” the voice of the servant broke Damien’s train thought. He gave a curt nod to the man and made his way to the study.
William had not slept well that night. He had much work to do and was not really happy to see Damien. However, the man insisted upon seeing him. He laid his head on the desk for a few moments of silence.
Upon entering the study, Damien noticed how tired his friend looked. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival. William turned. “Oh, I had no idea that you were here.” He sounded tired.
Damien looked at his friend and decided that he could not allow him to stay this way. “William, you must do something about your loneliness. I mean, look at yourself. A year and a half had past since the death of Elsie.”
He stopped to take a breath. “Now I know that you may not be ready, but before you start to protest, listen to what I have to say.” William reluctantly listened. “To state it plainly, you need a wife. Now, I know that you do not think you are ready, but I do have some eligible young ladies who I think you would be able to find one suitable.
William‘s first expression was one of indignation, but upon listening further, he realized that his friend was only trying to help. Although he could not see himself finding anyone suitable… Damien’s cough halted his thoughts. He was not ready to make such a huge decision, but Damien was waiting for an answer, so he finally consented. “All right, I will try it.” Damien was very pleased.
They began to plan. Damien suggested that the families he had picked come to stay at the Manor. William would hold a ball. The families that held no possible future with him would be dismissed immediately. The rest would slowly be eliminated until he had only one left. That would then be his wife. William thought about the idea. He had one question.
“What if I do not love her?”
Damien looked at his friend in amazement. “There is no way you could not find one you loved. And anyhow, if it benefit’s our cause, then why not?” William was not reassured, but the plan was otherwise flawless.
“Damien, I agree to follow through. I am still not convinced I will ever find one to love, but who is it going to hurt if I try.” Damien smiled. Everything was going as planned. He turned to William. “I am glad you listened. I would not be a good advisor if you did not listen.” They both chuckled. William looked at Damien, thanked him for his help, and the two said good-bye.

William sat in desk for a while longer, then got up and moved over to the windows. He looked over the gardens that Elsie had painstakingly groomed to perfection. Was he ready to be a good husband? That was the real question. Getting married was not the biggest deal to him, but following the Word of God on the duties of a husband was most important. He looked up towards the sky and for the first time in over a year, William prayed. It was not long, but it most certainly was heartfelt. He turned from the window ready to do whatever must be done.

Pages flew about the surrounding manors. Although Damien had already stated that he had picked eligible women, William had still wanted to notify the rest of the surrounding Manors. There were many parties interested in the land that the Harrow Manor stood on and the only way of possessing it seemed to be through the marriage of William and the daughter from one such party. Although William was not too keen on the idea of marrying just for political gains, if it really would be beneficial, he would consent to it.

Alexandra rushed home as fast as she could from the market. She had been given a letter while she was there. It had Lord Harrow’s seal on the back of it. She did not even stop to open it. Alexandra saw her home, coming into view. One more turn, she thought.
Rachelle watched her niece come flying through the gate, and knew something was up. Alexandra was breathless as she came to a halt. “Aunt Rachelle, Uncle Jamous, you won’t believe what happened in the village today.” Alexandra stopped for a moment. Rachelle knew she had more to say. “A messenger handed me this letter today. It is from Lord William.” Her aunt and uncle listened while she read. The note invited the recipient and her family to stay at the home of Lord Harrow. He was going to hold a ball. It was signed by Lord William Harrow himself. Alexandra and her aunt sat stunned. Jamous inquired, “Does it say who it was meant for?” Alexandra shook her head. It made no mention of whom it really must go to, yet Alexandra had no doubt that it was not meant for her.
She looked up at her aunt and uncle. They were thinking about the letter. It said that recipient should arrive at the Manor the day after tomorrow. They would have to decide quickly if she would be allowed to attend. Alexandra sighed. What was the meaning of it all? She peered up for a moment at the sky as if asking God what to do. He did not answer right away, but she knew that He had a plan in it all. That is what the Bible said in Jeremiah. Her aunt and uncle were speaking to her now.
“Alexandra, we think you should go. Normally we would be a bit more cautious, but we feel strongly that you are to go.”
Alexandra nodded. She too knew that she must go. Alexandra left the letter on the table and went to her room to begin packing. She had just finished sewing a dress fit for the ball. At the time, she had had no idea why she felt that she should make the gown, but now she understood. The entire time while she was packing, Alexandra prayed for the Lord’s guidance. When she finally finished packing, Alexandra enjoyed her favorite meal with her aunt and uncle. She would miss them, but she was excited. She attend a ball at Lord Harrow’s. Who would have thought? Alexandra sighed and enjoyed the rest of the evening with her aunt and uncle.


Carissa and her father, Damien, arrived at the Manor the night before the rest of the people. Her father and she had rehearsed everything. He had told her that now was her chance to become the Lady of the Harrow Manor. Carissa laughed. She had already envisioned herself by his side numerous times. Even after Elsie had come into the picture. No doubt, everyone else can see themselves there too. The thought itself made Carissa upset. Well, I will get what I want no matter who stands in the way, she thought greedily.

The day dawned bright and cheery. William was a bit nervous. He hoped his advisor had chosen women suitable to him. William knew that there was much still to be done. He quickly dressed and went to help wherever he was needed.

The families were making their way into his home. William at times felt like he was betraying Elsie, but Damien had said that he really needed to do this. Plus Elsie would have wanted him to be happy and to choose life. “After all, is that not what the Good Book says, ‘I [God] have given you the chose between life and death…..choose life, so that you and your descendants might live”,” Damien had said. Therefore with resigned feelings, William allowed the families to enter into his safe haven. Alexandra left early that morning. They all had prayed before she left and she had felt God’s peace wash over her. The Manor was an impressive sight to all. Alexandra gazed at it a moment longer, then made her way into the massive structure. A stable boy help her dismount and took her horse. Alexandra looked around in dazed wonder.
“Impressive structure is it not?” a deep voice questioned. Alexandra whirled around in surprise.
“Oh, yes. It most certainly is,” she replied. The man then introduced himself as Damien Cassely.
“May I inquire why you are here?”
“I had received and invitation to attend the ball at the Harrow Manor.” Alexandra had a feeling that something had gone wrong from the look that Lord Cassely had given her.
William had watched the woman ride in. She was a pretty thing with auburn colored hair, the same color as Elsie’s. Now he watched as Damien talked with the woman. From the looks of things, there must have been a problem for Damien was roughly escorting the female out. William hurried down the terrace steps to find out what had transpired between the two.
“Damien, what is the going on here?” Damien turned around to the inquisitive face of Lord William. Alexandra looked at him too. He had the greenest eyes that seemed to pull you into them. She gazed at him longer then necessary.
“I was just telling this girl that she had no business being here.”
William looked at Alexandra who quickly turned away. He had no idea why, but he told Damien that she was fine and could stay. Damien let go and sulked away. William turned back to the woman.
“I apologize,” he said. Alexandra offered him a tentative smile.
“What is your name?” William inquired. Alexandra Hawken was the reply. “Well, Lady Hawken,” he said, offering her his arm, “ let us make our way indoors and get you settled.”

Carissa watched William, Alexandra, and Damien from her window. She had seen her father try to force the woman to leave and watched William rescue her. She left as soon as she saw William and the woman leave. Her father would know who the mysterious woman was.
Carissa found her father in his room. “Father, who is that girl?” Carissa exclaimed with disgust as she ran to him. Damien turned to face his confused daughter. “I have no idea who she is. William dismissed me before I could find out.” Carissa was extremely disappointed that her father had no idea. She whirled toward the door and exited. She would just have to find out herself.

William had left Alexandra in the care of Martha. Lady Hawken was certainly beautiful and he would enjoy getting to know her better. He hurried to his study to finish work before the evening activities began.

It was almost time to get ready for the ball. Alexandra slipped away from the crowd of people to her room. She pulled out the navy blue cashmere she had just finished sewing. It was modest, yet in style. The bell rang. Alexandra slipped into the dress and joined the others in the ballroom.

The ball was lively. William had met many people and could tell there were still more to converse with. He searched the room for a certain face, but just as he found her, Damien was introducing him to his young daughter, Carissa. After that moment, Carissa never left William’s side. He abandoned any thoughts of speaking to Alexandra. He noticed though that she was enjoying herself.
Alexandra had hoped to speak with William during the evening, but Lady Cassely was with him the entire time, even through the meal. Alexandra departed after the meal to her quarters. She was exhausted, so she changed into bed clothes, and slept fitfully.

Many families had left. Alexandra wondered was she was still there. She knew that it had to be William’s doing, because had it been up to Damien or Carissa, they would have sent her packing the first day. Damien made a point to make her feel uncomfortable whenever she was around him. Carissa was barely civil. The rest of the families were kind. It was time to go downstairs for church. Alexandra changed her thoughts to something more pleasant. It was the Lord’s day after all.

William had noticed that Carissa was not at church the day before. He went to ask why, but found that she was gone again. He decided to take the opportunity spend the day with Alexandra without Carissa getting in the way. She was much better company any way. Although Alexandra was wonder to be around and pleasing to the eye, so was Carissa, in a manner of speaking. Carissa was raised wealthy where as Alexandra was almost a commoner. He decided to just trust The Lord. He knew what was best. William stopped for a moment. It had been so long since he had decided to trust in God. He smiled. He was definitely choosing life.

Jamous was ready to head to the market. He kissed his wife good-bye and went on his way. He generally thought about the day while he drove to the market, but today, his thoughts were on Alexandra. He prayed that God would guide her decisions. The market was coming into view. Jamous found his spot among the other produce sellers, unloaded his wares, and waited for the regulars to come by.
The afternoon was fast approaching. Jamous needed to stretch. He left his stand with a friend and went to find a quiet place. He found his alley and went into it. The alley was usually quiet, but today, Jamous could here voices. He went towards the sound and what he saw surprised him. Lord Damien and his daughter, Carissa, were conversing about something sneaky by the looks of things. Jamous decided to listen closely to what was being said.
“ That Alexandra girl has to go. I do not care how you get rid of her. She is in the way and William is falling fast for her.” Damien looked surprisingly at his daughter as she spouted angry words.
“Dear, please. I will do my best. We have to be very careful. If anyone finds out…” Damien had no need to finish the statement. Carissa knew well enough what would happen. She turned her head in frustration. How she had been waiting for this chance.
“Well, Alexandra will just have to go one way or another,” Carissa declared as she walked away. Damien followed his daughter. She will get what she wants, he vowed.

Jamous had heard enough. He rushed back to his stand. Thankfully, it was around to closing time anyway, so he would not be missing out on much business. Jamous packed his stuff and raced home.
Rachelle watched her husband come tearing through the gate. He dropped off his wagon and continued on with the horse. Rachelle knew there must be a problem since he had not even come in to tell her what had happened. She prayed quietly while she finished doing the dishes. Rachelle prepared herself for a long night.

Jamous arrived at the Manor and knocked on the massive oak doors. “I would like to see Lord William, please.” James, the butler, went off to find William and tell him that someone wanted to see him.
William was in his library trying to relax, but was finding it very hard. He looked at the door to see James. “Sir, Mr. Hawken has something to discuss with you.” William stood and thanked James. He passed the dining hall on his way to the study. Alexandra was laughing at something. He had grown to like her, but Damien had advised against any relationship with her. Something seemed sort of fishy about the whole thing, but what could he do.
The study was to the left of the dining room. Inside an older man, maybe in his fifties or early sixties sat on the edge of the couch twirling his hat between his hands. “Mr. Hawken, I was told that you have something to tell me.” Jamous looked his way and stood. “Sir, I, um well, you see.. Could I speak with my niece, um Alexandra. I need to discuss something with her.” William looked concerned. “Is there a problem?”
“Oh, well…” Jamous was at a loss for words. William sensed Jamous’s discomfort so he hollered for James. James came running. “Please go tell Lady Alexandra that her uncle is in the study and wishes to speak to her.” He turned to Jamous and said, “I will be in the library if you need me.” William turned and walked away.
Alexandra rushed as fast as she could to the study. “Uncle, is something wrong?” Alexandra was standing in the doorway. Her face was full of worry.
“Do not worry.” He then whispered, “We will discuss it outside.” Alexandra looked confused, but obeyed her uncle. They walked out to the garden. It was a breezing evening. They found a bench by the fountains. Alexandra asked how Aunt Rachelle was doing and how things were faring home. Jamous answered her questions, then began to tell her why he was there. Alexandra only interrupted to ask questions.
After Jamous was done, Alexandra just sat in stunned silence. She could not believe that someone would want to get rid of her just because she showed interest in William. She had grown to love William dearly, but he had looked as if he was far more interested in Carissa. But maybe that was not the case at all. Jamous glanced at his niece. She had said very little.
“Alexandra, let’s pray about this issue.” Jamous grabbed his niece‘s hands as he began to pray. It was getting dark when they had finished, so the two said good-bye and parted ways. Alexandra walked slowly back to the house.
Alexandra skipped the evening activities and went up to her room. She was in no mood to be around Carissa and she needed some time to herself. As Alexandra prepared for bed, she wondered if she really was following the guidance of the Lord. She opened her Bible to her favorite verse. God promised that He had a plan for her life. Although things seemed perplexing now, God would work everything out. Alexandra turned in for the night, resting in God’s peace.
William was tired that night, but he could not get to sleep. He wondered why Alexandra Hawken had not been down for the evening activities. When he had inquired of her whereabouts, Damien had given him a vague reply. William knew that Alexandra was not favored in Damien’s or Carissa’s eyes. He really did not care, though. He was the one who was going to have spend the rest of his days with one of the two anyhow. William soon realized how tired he really was so he rolled over to find a comfortable spot, and within minutes he was fast asleep.
Carissa had been delighted when Alexandra was not present. William had devoted much attention to her that Carissa was stunned when he had asked about the whereabouts of Alexandra. The rest of the evening was an absolute bore. William soon departed for his chambers, leaving Carissa to her own devises.
Damien watched his daughter come racing around the corner in a very un lady-like fashion. He knew something was up and could only guess that it had to do with William. He got up from his bench and went to meet his furious daughter.
“ Nothing has gone right since Alexandra or for that matter Elsie, came into the scene.” Carissa was beyond anger. Her plans had been thwarted twice now and the second was not going to last any longer. She brooded over Alexandra. Something was wrong. Alexandra was no more than a commoner, so how did she get an invitation to stay at the Harrow Manor?
“Daughter, what are you thinking?” Damien asked as he watched his daughter’s face come aglow. She glanced at him and said, ”Father, how did Alexandra receive an invitation? I am almost sure that she was not one that you had on your list to invite.” Carissa watched her father’s face change into a smile as he caught were she was going. It was true. Alexandra Harrow was not on the list but yet she had an invitation to prove that she could come. The question was, how did she receive it? Damien pondered on the issue, then decided to use the mistake as a way to rid themselves of Alexandra.
“Carissa, how about you and Lady Harrow go for a nice ride through the forest tomorrow morning.” Carissa nodded, knowing exactly what needed to be done. She left promptly and headed to her room for bed. It would be difficult to rid themselves of her. William would easily forget about her. Carissa lay her head on the pillow and fell asleep quickly.

The next morning, Carissa got up early and went to find Alexandra. Alexandra was sitting on the terrace reading her Bible. That girl always had her nose in that book.
“Alexandra, would you like to go for a horse ride this morning? It is so beautiful out and I have this spot that I would like to show you.” Carissa waited patiently for Alexandra to answer. The surprise of the unexpected request was evident on Alexandra’s face. She looked at Carissa for a moment as if questioning the intent, but the look vanished quickly and she said yes. They both got up and went to their rooms to change into suitable riding attire.

The day was beautiful for a ride. As Alexandra mounted onto her horse, she felt panic, but dismissed it. Nothing is going to happen, she told herself. Carissa’s sigh of impatience signaled that it was time to go. The two left through the Manor gates and ventured into the forest. They rode on for a long while before any one spoke. Carissa began to ask questions about her childhood. Alexandra’s answers were guarded at first, but she relaxed as they rode. That is exactly what Carissa needed. It meant that Alexandra was not expecting anything to happen.
They came to the spot Carissa was talking about. It was a picturesque knoll at the end of the forest. Behind it was an open field. The grass moved like waves of the ocean. The spot was so peaceful. And that was the last thing she remembered.

Alexandra woke up to sun streaming through the curtains. The place was not at all familiar. A rosy cheeked woman came in. “Oh, how are you feeling?” As Alexandra tried to sit up, the woman exclaimed, “ Don’t try to move. You have a nasty bump on your head.” Alexandra settled back into the warm sheets and fell asleep.
Alexandra woke up later. The sun was no longer streaming through the curtains. She attempted to sit up, and immediately felt the throbbing in her head. The woman came in. Alexnadra asked the woman where she was and how she got there. The woman said that her husband had found her knocked out cold with a note attached. It said something about minding your own business and to stay away from William.

Meanwhile at the Manor, William paced nervously in his study. There had been no trace of Alexandra for some time. “Maybe she decided that she did not want to be here any longer or that she does not love you after all,” Carissa had said, stating the last part with added emphasis. William found that hard to believe, but what if that was the case. As the days waned and Alexandra still had not come back, William decided to believe that maybe Carissa was right. The dinner bell sounded right then. It was going to be a long dinner with only Carissa and Damien to converse with.

Alexandra had wanted to leave right away for the Manor, but she was in no condition to leave just yet. The woman and her husband had been nice to her. The bump on her head was not so evident any more. Many days had passed and she could only pray that she arrive in time to warn William.

The time had come for William to make his decision. With Alexandra no longer there, the only other person was Carissa. She had been so nice to him that maybe in time he could grow to love her. Damien would be arriving soon to discuss William’s decision. He hoped that he was making the right one.
Alexandra was allowed to leave today. The kind couple gave Alexandra her horse and she went on her way. The whole ride was plagued with doubts. What if she was too late? All she could do was hope and pray.
The Manor’s pillars were coming into view. A carriage was parked in the driveway. It was Damien. She would have to hurry. The front door was just ahead. Alexandra flew past the butler and went into William’s study. The sight that greeted her was astonishing. William was sitting in the room discussing his marriage proposal to Carissa! He looked up at her. The emotions on his face were unreadable. Damien stood up. His first look was surprise, then it turned to anger. He rushed up to her, grabbed her arm and was getting ready to force her out when William spoke.
“Damien what are you doing?” He then turned to Alexandra. “Where have you been? What is the meaning of this intrusion. You have no right.” Alexandra hung her head and said mournfully, “I am too late. I am too late.”
William looked between the two faces. One was stoned and expected him to force her to leave. The other implored him to listen. William looked at Alexandra.
“Why did you leave?” Alexandra faced the now hurt man. She poured out her heart and told him everything. She told him of the treachery Damien and Carissa had planned and of the love she felt for him. Throughout the entire conversation, Damien’s face changed form anger to fear. It was all of a sudden quiet. William looked at Damien stunned. He could no believe that his friend would do such a thing. He immediately called for his butler and the guards. William told them to get Damien and Carissa out of the house. They seized them and led them out. Damien said nothing, but Carissa cried out in anger horrible threats.
Alexandra stood in the doorway not sure what to do. Before she could think, she enveloped into a warm embrace. She looked up into the face of William. He leaned forward and kissed her passionately. It felt so right and wonderful.

William looked admiringly at his lovely, courageous fiancé. The wedding was two weeks away. After exposure of Carissa and Damien’s treachery, William realized that Alexandra was the one for him. When they announced it to the public, no one was surprised. They were a perfect match. All of her things were moved to his home, and all the staff was glad to see her return.
Alexandra took over Elsie’s duties and added her own flare to things.
William and Alexandra had two boys and one girl. As for Damien and Carissa, they were allowed to go free only if they left the country. It was rumored sometime later that Damien and Carissa were again on the run because of the same attempted plot.

-Eleanor
Age 14

Nameless

I wore a ball gown that consisted of a flurry of brocade fabric and tulle, falling in heavy waves all the way to the floor. The dress looked like it came from a different century, as did the rest of the ballroom, covered in tapestries and handmade woodwork, candles and masterpieces sculpted from malleable metals. Most of the fey world was like that, as though it had stopped in a more elegant era so as to avoid the unattractive qualities of the age of technology.

The dress I wore was not me, was not something I ever would have worn before. But then again, neither was the personality I donned as though it too were made of cloth and easily exchanged. I was not noble. I was not elegant. Yet I danced with every creature that requested it and exhibited a grace I had never been inclined towards, nor been taught. I started losing bits and pieces of the night early on, and every time I awoke dancing with another person I got a sick feeling. Like there was a side of me taking over, soothing my weaker half into the darkness so that I could live with the complacency with which I had confronted my situation. Like multiple personalities.

Turn around carefully. The echo reverberated in my head, a voice I did not want to hear and no longer wished existed. It was the worst sort of invasion of my privacy, this telepathy I shared with my twin. It broke the one barrier I thought would be breached by no one, the one thing no one could take away—the sanctity of my own mind.

I obeyed the hated voice and saw hair my color, eyes my color, skin tone my color, albeit on a more masculine face. I couldn’t help myself from feeling as though some theft had been committed. In that moment, I was nauseatingly in my own head, my own body, and I wanted out.

He blinked, expression showing little. I wanted to wipe that blank face of my features. I wanted to make such a split second decision to hurt him that he couldn’t possibly defend himself. I wanted to hurt him how they had hurt me.

He blinked again, but this time he had a response. Causing me pain will fix nothing.

My hand was in his and he led us to the center of the dance-floor. I lifted my arms in a way I didn’t remember ever having done before this night and it was elegant, as though I had spent years practicing. Sidriel slid into place, his hand at my waist uncomfortably warm.

The music didn’t start, it continued, continued on and on. It felt like a start, though, like the beginning of some new anguish. The music filled me up and spilled out in movements. I hadn’t known classical dances before. Ours bodies stayed the precise amount apart, a breath, a touch apart. Every movement I made he mirrored, and likewise. The world spun around me in dizzying swirls and colors churned around the edges of my vision, closing in. I kept my balance, but it wasn’t me. My eyes fluttered, lights flickering.

I was shocked into awareness as Sidriel led me to the edge of the dance-floor, almost supporting my entire weight with the small hold he had on me. He left me standing alone, cut adrift of any refuge. I shivered, staring at the light wood floor, the glare caused by the candle chandelier as it reflected off the shined surface. I was floating somewhere above my head, waiting, waiting for their next move.

Sidriel was the reason I was still alive, the reason I still had hopes of living. I hated to admit to myself that he was the one thing keeping me sane in my torments since I had been brought to the fey world and made aware of my heritage. I hated to consider the very possibility of admitting it. But he had kept me alive in so many ways, ways that I was simultaneously grateful and angry for. I hated him for keeping me alive.

Just the day before, I had learned the true story of my legacy. The trickery that had culminated in my conception. The murder of my grandmother by my father. The circumstances of my being sent away, sent to an entirely different world to be raised by humans because I was not wanted in the land of my blood. So many ugly truths that had been kept from me as I was raised by a human family, peacefully wishing to know my past. Naïve.

The knowledge I had gained did not give me the sense of identity that I had hoped for in all my wistful dreams as a human. The knowledge did not give me comfort. It did not provide me with any sense of familial pride or belonging. It only gave me a severe desire to be back with my adopted family, once more happily ignorant.

These bindings that had been placed upon me were never meant to be exercised; my past was never meant to be revealed. Still on the sidelines of the ballroom, I glanced towards the main display immediately opposite the wide double doors that served as an entrance into the fantastic room. The queen, appearing quite young for the centuries I was told she had lived through, carefully watched over the revelries from her intricately carved throne. A delicate circlet of gold sat atop her white blond hair, and she certainly had an air of royalty about her. A part of me wished I had inherited some degree of that natural poise she presented to the rest of the world. And yet, I had in some sense inherited that, hadn’t I? I recalled the effortlessness with which I danced with Sidriel, the ease with which I had taken on my role as the pet daughter of the queen. I turned away, disgusted at being related to someone who looked so distant as she observed her own people. She did not go among the crowds—that job was reserved for her only son and daughter, the two puppets she expected to always obey her every whim. If it hadn’t been for the queen’s eminent position in the fey society, I never would have been kidnapped from my human home, never would have been given this inhuman life, and never would have tasted the sincere agony of torture as they tried to discover the weaknesses of Her Majesty, my blood mother.

I wondered sometimes, before, if my birth mother ever missed me. If she ever felt the bone-deep loneliness that I felt in her absence. If she ever wondered what had happened to me or what I had made out of myself. I wondered if she just didn’t want me or if she regretting giving me up. I wondered how different my life would have been if I hadn’t grown up with the parents I had grown up with. Now I wished I had never found out the alternative. Sidriel, arguably the closest in this world to being my other half, had lived the life that had been taken away from me. Where I was sent away, he was kept. He had never had to suffer being rejected before being given a chance. He had had all I had wished for as a child. And yet, he was no better off. He had to suffer through political and social situations I could never fathom trying to handle correctly. Even though I had never been given a chance to be judged in a positive way by this family I had not realized existed, Sidriel grew up being constantly judged by them, and having to act in a way that would earn their favor. Even though I had no choice in my destiny, I at one time had had a degree of freedom. Sidriel was trapped by a web of obligations as thick or thicker than my own ignorance had been before.

The price to escape the web of ignorance that surrounded me had been steep, and I could not imagine the price my twin brother would have to pay to escape his own problems.

As Sidriel approached the fey queen and whispered in her ear, I once more tuned out of my surroundings until his face was the only focus in my sight. The oppressive anger I had carried with me for the few weeks I had spent reunited with my family seemed only a shadow as I fell to that dark place within me—the place I hid, as a small child would. His face alone was my connection to this world. A feeble thought informed me that that was the way it had seemed ever since my kidnapping. He was all that kept me attached to physical reality. My twin, my other half. That was literal in so many unfathomable ways—ways I had not imagined were possible. Relying so heavily on someone that so deeply represented this world that I had come to hate felt like a betrayal to myself.

Some part of me thought that I should be rejecting everything in this world, mentally, physically, spiritually. That part was the one that would rather be blind than look at my extravagant surroundings, would rather be deaf than hear the words they spoke, would rather starve than taste the sumptuous foods they placed in front of me. This spiteful side of me would rather die than accept this world. Every move I made that accommodated them in some way was a betrayal to this side, and the guilt that overcame me at moments was difficult to contain and control. True, knowing of this world caused me little more than pain, but there was a certain beauty to it all. The physical trappings, the cultural quirks, and even the political upheaval I found so hard to assimilate into were all striking in their own way, and feeling glad to have seen and known it all caused the most anguish of all. I was at war more with myself than any problems I faced in this new life I had been tossed into.

A hand touched my shoulder gently, and I jumped despite myself. I had been staring at the queen so intently, concentrating so hard on my shortcomings for my own mental health that I had not noticed Sidriel leaving the queen’s side and coming to my own. His presence in my head was as minimal as it was possible to be since our bond had been reestablished upon my return. The place where my anger had been was empty, devoid of any opinion now. Sidriel took my arm, led me from the room, led me from the oh-so-hypnotizing music into the silence of the hall. I followed his lead, realizing he was escorting me back to my living quarters. I sunk into my complacency and made no comment in rebellion or acceptance of the evening.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed outside my door, and I looked away from his sincere expression. “I’m sorry your family was not what you were expecting. I’m sorry you have to be involved in this world, and that being associated with us has caused you so much pain.”

“None of this is your fault,” I noted distantly. Of course, that had not stopped me from including him in the list of people I blamed for my past and present problems.

“I know, but I regret that any of it happened and if I had had the power to prevent it I would have.” His genuine tone twisted my stomach into knots. Blaming everyone was keeping me sane. I did not want him to take away my anger even more than his very presence was doing. I needed that fire to keep me going and surviving.

“Why are you saying this?” I shivered, the draft in the hall combining with the unpleasant realization I had been building all night that my brother was not the bad guy.

“I want you to know that I have your best interests at heart.” He reached to touch my shoulder and I pulled away, grasping the door handle to prove to both him and myself that I did have a way out of the conversation. I still had little ways I could control my situation. He bent farther into my personal space, until I was so tight against the door that I would have had to lean into him to pull it open. He whispered with his lips at my temple, a secret tucked into the shell of my ear.

“She did not send you away because she didn’t want you. She sent you away because she was afraid. She was afraid of us together, of the problems we could give her if both of us choose to go against her. She was afraid of a coup d'état, as humans call it. She is even now afraid we will overthrow her.”

“Why would she think we would do that?” I hedged, frightened by his serious tone and intense expression studying the reaction on my face.

“We have more of our father in us than she cares to admit, and we have the capability. That is all the evidence she needs to instill that fear in herself.”

“Why are you saying all of this?” I repeated. I knew already, knew what he was suggesting between the lines.
I heard a voice murmuring in my head so softly that I could not tell if it was his or mine. This would serve as revenge for you, it said. A way to give her a taste of the pain she caused by disowning you.

“She has caused her own downfall in the ways she went about trying to prevent it,” Sidriel coaxed. “She alienated you in a way that would give you no familial bonds to her. It is her own fault, and she must suffer the consequences of her actions.” His previous words echoed in my head once more, she is even now afraid we will overthrow her. I could have my chance at revenge, my chance to indulge in the fury that so often possessed me in between the bouts of pure inexistence. Before he could say another word to manipulate me into his purposes, I shoved him away and dashed into the room I had been living in, slamming the door in his face.

I could have revenge.

I could punish her for all the pain she had caused me, this mother of mine. I could fight for the power to control my own destiny. I could make her pay for taking away so many bits of my own existence that I no longer knew who I was.

My breath came quicker with these thoughts, and in the background I could feel the now reassuring presence of Sidriel. He could be my ally rather than my enemy, and I would have at least a piece of the family I had always imagined. There may never be a way to return to the person I used to be or the life I used to have, but I could gain control over this new one.

Only a minute had passed, and my brother had not left his position at my door, waiting for a response or only monitoring my reaction, I could not tell. Before I could talk myself out of the tentative choice I had made despite the chaotic feeling still running through me, I opened the door, letting the stronger piece of my personality taking control once more.

“I’ll do it.”

by Lindsey
Age 17